YOU CAN NEVER PLAN THE FUTURE BY THE PAST

YOU CAN NEVER PLAN THE FUTURE BY THE PAST.
- Edmund Burke

He awakes groggily.  "What?  Whoah...  Where am I?  What time is it?"

He rolls over to check on the home-screen of his iPhone.  "August of 2013? WTF!  Do you see the date on my last blog post?  What happenned...?  Wait... how much do I weigh?"

He muddles his way to the bathroom.  He steps on the scale and waits as electrical current is pulsed to the monochrome, active-matrix, liquid-crystal display of horror.

361.3 lbs

He steps off the scale, wiping the sleep from his eyes...  He steps back and scratches his head.  Assuming he must have forced to hard when he stepped up the first time, he again mounts the scale, but this time places each foot as lightly as a butterfly landing on a baby's nose.

361.4 lbs  (apparently the butterfly swallowed a few ounces of something in between weigh-ins)

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!   M*therf#ckin' sh%t! What happened for crying out loud?"

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 "What happened" is that in the 3 years since having lap-band surgery I have put on 33 pounds. Slowly, efficiently and stealthily I consumed 38,500 calories too many per year for 3 years.  And just to add some thrilling plot twists, I spiraled into depression and wrestled with bouts of alcoholism during the black hole that was the past 36 months.  And just to be brutally honest with the universe, in October of 2012 I reached rock-bottom.  In my car, parked on the side of the road midway to wherever I was going, sobbing uncontrollably and thinking about calling it quits. 

 I have always wanted this blog, and anything I write for that matter, to be entertaining and amusing.  However I feel compelled to make this piece as serious as my own probably-assured early death itself.

 If you are thinking of weight-loss surgery, STOP and see a psychologist first.  Not just once, but many times over a prolonged period.  Once you work through the following issues with a professional to guide you, and if at that time you still feel like getting the surgery, proceed.  

 Why? 

 1)  Self-loathing (and the shame that accompanies it) is more responsible for your obesity than anything else.  No surgical intervention can fix this.  In fact, the disappointment of still hating what you are after the surgery will hurt you more than you thought possible.  TRUST ME...

2)  Surgery cannot help you understand why you do what you do, which is to self-medicate.  If you do not understand the habits, triggers and psychological coping mechanisms that you have developed over some 20 or 30 years of self-medication, you will absolutely stay stuck at point #1 above.

If you do not get to the bottom of why you do what you do, SURGERY WILL ONLY BE ONE MORE FAILURE in your long list of attempts to straighten out your health.

It has been a long and painful 3 years, but I am as determined as ever to continue to make the attempts at improving my health in the hopes that I may enjoy my wonderful family for as long as possible.

I owe unquantifiable thanks to my wife for supporting me and never giving up on me.   While I am hardly religious, she is what must be closest to a guardian-angel on this earth.

I have picked myself up off the bottom and have begun moving forward again with my quest for good health.  However I am sober enough to know that I may fail again.  I made 8 attempts at quitting smoking cigarettes before I got it right…

So enough of the dreary stuff - I am back and look forward to writing more funny and motivating stuff about this (ridiculously) long journey I am on.  I mean seriously - on Biggest Loser they lose 100 pounds in what, like 3 episodes? 

PLEASE - If anyone reading this or anyone you know is considering weight-loss surgery and wants to talk about it please don't hesitate to contact me - just drop me an email address in a comment and I'll be in touch.