The last night...I gave in.

Food = love, food = nurturing, food = reward, food = consolation, food = company, food = entertainment, food = celebration, food = punishment...   It is a long road to food = sustenance, food = fuel.

My last night before surgery...made it 2 weeks on a liquid diet and decided that tonight I would eat
like a human.  Thanks to Val and Marc for that wonderful salad with bavette and even a little glass of wine.  What a treat it was.

The first battle may be over, but the war is only about to begin.  You see, tonight I went through all the psychological struggles that come with addiction.  Just a little bit...  One more bite.... I deserve it because I've been so good...  why shouldn't I be allowed...

While tomorrow's surgery will most definitely put a kink in my ability to consume copious amounts of prosciutto and Parmesan, it will hardy do anything to help the internal struggle that seems  will forever be the monkey on my back. After all, excess is what I have always been about.   I was the guy that could out-eat, out-drink, out-smoke, out-play and out-talk anyone...  (well almost anyone)  Heck - when Dave Matthews came out with that song Too Much, I was convinced it was my anthem.

In less than 12 hours I will have a surgeon's tools deep in my abdomen working away...  a day or so later, the real work begins.

Just a quick note to thank all of the people who sent me messages.  I can't tell you how touching and motivating it is to have your support.  I have been particularly taken aback with the number of people who revealed to me their own struggles with food and control issues.  To all of you I say thanks, and I look forward to writing you on the other side of the procedure.