Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever. -Lance Armstrong

 I thought the quote was a relevant title as we watch the flame of Lance Armstrong's professional cycling career extinguish itself live on TV during the Tour de France this week.  Here is a man who overcame testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brains, only to do the impossible and win the Tour de France 7 times.  For those of you not familiar with the sport of cycling,
cycling = suffering.  He who suffers harder wins, every time.   And I have always defended Lance against drug allegations based on the idea that he has suffered through chemo, radiation, multiple surgeries and a divorce, therefore having a much higher tolerance for suffering than someone who has not lived these challenges.

Pain is the topic of this lesson kids.  While the physical pain of the abdominal surgery wore off quickly, the mental trauma of what I have done is hardly passing that easily.  One week since the procedure and the 6 incisions are healing well, as well as the camel kick.   But the screaming in my head won't stop and almost seems to get louder every day.  I wonder if people around me can hear it?  People seem to be looking at me funny lately.   They say that amputees can feel "phantom pains" in their non-existent limbs for many years after their loss.  I wonder if that what the screeching in my head is about?  My psyche can't cope with the idea that I have amputated my source for instant gratification, consolation, affection and solace - eating gratuitously.

In the meantime, I am trying to redefine my relationship with food one step at a time.  First step:

Build and foster my respect and understanding of those that raise and grow all the wonderful things I and my family eat.  I will tend to my tomatoes and zucchinis.  I will go raspberry picking with my wife and two young children.  I am even thinking of buying a grass-fed biological steer to watch him grow and have him butchered in the fall.  (more on my love-hate relationship with beef in a later post)   Maybe I can reduce my need to eat food by finding new things to love about it.  What's not to love...colours, textures, smells...taste...AAARGH!

Well I was hoping to be really funny on this post but I have failed miserably.  This is definitely a reflection on my state of mind, but the next one is brewing and will be a knee-slapper.  I promise!